4 Track Diaries (Expanded Edition)

by Mike Indest

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1.
She can’t help herself she’s gonna do it Her hands are shaking She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find it’s peace Until she gives it everything she thinks it needs Sometimes it’s comical Sometimes it’s dangerous All the while she’ll stay obsessed Until she finds everything she thinks her heart is looking for She’s sitting on her hands cause she wants to interfere When she hears all of your stupid plans She’s knows just what, just what you need to do And she’s chomping at the bit trying hard not to tell you She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find relief Until she gives you everything she thinks you need Sometimes it’s obvious Sometimes it’s just enough Sometimes it’s way more than you bargained for But never more than what she thinks is needed She knows but she can help it show She’s got tendencies
2.
3.
Yesterday I thought all the answers would become evident Now I wonder if there is any after all
4.
I saw you heading towards the altar So I followed along but not for prayer I wanted to brush by your body And run my fingers by your hair Hey sister big boobs maybe we can get together God told me to tell you to wear that tight sweater I saw you dancing in the aisle Yeah you really made me smile You said the joy was in your soul How I wish you’d swing around that pole Hey sister big boobs maybe we can get together God told me to tell you to wear that tight sweater Do you ever wonder why I sit with you at the singles meetings It’s so that we can hold hands when we pray My hands are getting sweaty my heart is beating faster now..........
5.
How long will I ignore you before it goes away How long will I ignore you before it goes away Will you darken my heart Will you darken my heart It gets easier every time I turn away To not feel like I'm wrong I'll sing along With the sirens as they lead me to destruction I know there's no life without you I know there's nowhere I can go It gets easier every time I turn away To not feel like I'm wrong I'll sing along With the sirens as they lead me to destruction And the songs we sing sound so much better to my ears than your voice I'll make a choice to ignore you while you're calling me back home
6.
There is no fear of God in their eyes I feel like I’m one of them They flatter themselves in their eyes I feel like I’m one of them Do you see me as a man after your heart Or do you see me as one who curses your name I feel like I’m one of them
7.
Inside jokes and funny names Watching each other circle the drain Trying hard and getting nowhere Pretending we don’t care Laughing that somewhere Long after we’re dead they’ll be playing our songs Staying up all night long Listening to Art Bell and trying to write some songs Waiting for the new day Moving past our old ways Thankfully somethings never change Like the light up ahead that never went away Remember those shows when nobody showed And we sang our hearts out anyway Remember the time you fell down the hill And I came tumbling after
8.
Caught in between this world and the next Loved ones calling from both directions Is it selfish or is it selfless To want to move beyond the temporal Or do words like these have a different meaning When you’re balanced between The here and there Does every riddle have an answer Does every no have a reason Is every childhood pain opened Ready to receive it’s healing When you’re stuck between The now and the not yet Does it all start to make sense Is it bravery Is it knowing I guess we’re all gonna find out
9.
I feel like one of the girls Je me sens comme l'une des filles
10.
I sing about troubles cause one should sing of what they know I sing about these times when the real me starts to show I get disappointed in the way I respond Thinking that I left these feelings behind Now I'm praying for a change to come and get me out of all this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess Yeah I blew it and yeah it comes as no surprise That the real me is ready to bust out from inside Ready to leap out and take the control Nothing good can come from this troubled soul Now I'm praying for a change to come and get me out of all this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess No I shouldn’t be praying that I’ll be removed I really should be praying that I’ll be renewed And able to handle whatever life brings And not being controlled by external things I'm praying for a change to come and get me out of All this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess
11.
Only when you know there's a way out Can you dwell on things that seem so hopeless Only when you know the mystery Can you contemplate your own destruction I Can Move Only when you see your failures Can you really see the not yet Only when you throw your hands up Can you really ever do anything I Can Move I'm only happy when it's all messed up I'm only happy when it hits the ground I'm only happy when it's complicated and wrong Only when you look outside you Can you see how you fit in Only when you quit holding on Can you ever really grasp anything I Can Move
12.
13.
A million reasons why I love you A million reasons why I don't A million reasons I should stay here And a million reasons why I won't A million little complications A million small regrets A million validations A million things I want to forget It's weighing on me now It seems like that forever is a concept that will never be realized I know you can shine without me I never should have tried to illuminate your heart It's better this way Cause we both know that the only time That this has not been contentious Was the first time that our eyes met Right before we said hello
14.
Take the poison from my veins Take the evil from my mind Take the brokenness I am Take the pieces as they fall Take me from the path that leads To nowhere but my own demise Forsake me not for I am weakened Shine down on me Breathe your breath of life in me Scatter all my enemies Fill my cup until it overflows Shine down on me And the walls that surround are closing in Like they never have before Many are the ones to harm me And they’re beating down the door Will you rescue me in my time of trouble Do not turn a deaf ear when I pray Shine down on me And never let me go
15.
Before it breaks Before it’s over Before it takes What’s little left of my soul I’ll try and shake off these shackles I’ll try and break Myself from this self inflicted hell Cause I know it’s the little things that arrest me Don't mistake my silence For forgiveness I've never been one to let anything go Gonna add it all up You may have moved beyond but it’s my burden still I know it's the little things that arrest me Gonna mark the time by this miserable wall I build I know it's the little things that arrest me It’s the little foxes It’s the cunning lies It’s the paradoxes It’s the hopeless tries It’s the desperation It’s the hanging on It’s the feeling I get when all hope is gone
16.
In my mind or so it seems are all my troubles., all my dreams.
17.
Maybe it's the weight of the world on my shoulders Maybe it's the crushing hand of God Maybe it's the fact that I'm getting older And every second ticks away closer to the end There's something more than gravity keeping me down Maybe it's the lies that you told me Maybe it's the way I don't forgive Maybe it's the troubled times we've had before That in my mind I always relive There's something more than gravity keeping me down Well I try to walk upright but it gets harder everyday Either me or my surroundings bring me to my knees
18.
Fear of wrong decisions Contemplating all mistakes Fear of moving forward All the wrong steps you could take Fear of the imagined Keeps you from the truth Fear of what's behind The curtain you may never know Why do we fear what means the most Fear of being foolish Who will watch you when you fall Fear of dangerous ground When you step will it dissolve Fear of being open To the reality That will settle your mind And open up your eyes Why do we fear what means the most
19.
I found trouble and sorrow You found me a way out I’ve known the depths of despair You filled the depths of my doubt It’s getting to the point where I can see Your love for me is never failing It’s getting to the point where I can see Your path for me is so much better Then where I’ve gone before I’ve known poverty and sickness You’ve known the blessings still to come I see it only in an instant You see it as it will become
20.
How dark the golds become that once was pure. The sacred stones are all poured out on the corner of every street.
21.
A little confused about what I’m singing Yes she was a girl But not flesh and blood Does it really matter The pain is universal When someone leaves who you thought would always be there I’m always thinking about her She used to sing our song so sweetly You could hear her all through the street I heard a band playing on the corner So I asked if they could play our song They just laughed and said They didn’t know it Launched into something I never heard And everyone else sang along I’m always thinking about her She used to sing our song so sweetly You could hear her all through the street I’m always thinking about her
22.
There is no peace in staying still There is no peace in running far There is no peace in letting go There is no peace in holding on I’ll make the most of these troubled times I’ll learn so much from these troubled times There is no peace in standing firm There is no peace in wavering There is no peace in contemplation There is no peace in mindlessness I’ll make the most of these troubled times I’ll learn so much from these troubled times Inside I feel like I’m torn in two No sanctuary is driving me insane
23.
I’m a man whose known your wrath I’m a man whose seen your scorn It’s no secret you've turned your face from me You cause me to dwell in dark You wall me in I can’t get out You even weigh me down with heavy chains I’d tell you that it’s overwhelming but you don’t ever listen to a word I say You’re a bear lying in wait you’re a lion hiding near Gonna tear me into a million pieces You have aimed your bow towards me Gave me to my enemies All day long they sing about my troubles I’d tell you that it’s overwhelming but you don’t ever listen to a word I say I’ll never forget how you made me drink the poison up I’ll never forget how you brought me to the lowest hell I’ll never forget how you leveled me the crash on crash The one blow right after the other Guess I better check my ways
24.
Letting go of things that define Letting go of truths I claimed as mine But are only self delusions It seems you're asking me to let go of what I understand Enjoy the mystery while I’m holding your hand But I’m no good at letting go Of my biology Or bad theology That hurts everyone around
25.
A million reasons why I love you A million reasons why I don't A million reasons I should stay here And a million reasons why I won't A million little complications A million small regrets A million validations A million things I want to forget It's weighing on me now It seems like that forever is a concept that will never be realized I know you can shine without me I never should have tried to illuminate your heart It's better this way Cause we both know that the only time That this has not been contentious Was the first time that our eyes met Right before we said hello
26.
I found trouble and sorrow You found me a way out I’ve known the depths of despair You filled the depths of my doubt It’s getting to the point where I can see Your love for me is never failing It’s getting to the point where I can see Your path for me is so much better Then where I’ve gone before I’ve known poverty and sickness You’ve known the blessings still to come I see it only in an instant You see it as it will become
27.
There is no fear of God in their eyes I feel like I’m one of them They flatter themselves in their eyes I feel like I’m one of them Do you see me as a man after your heart Or do you see me as one who curses your name I feel like I’m one of them
28.
Only when you know there's a way out Can you dwell on things that seem so hopeless Only when you know the mystery Can you contemplate your own destruction I Can Move Only when you see your failures Can you really see the not yet Only when you throw your hands up Can you really ever do anything I Can Move I'm only happy when it's all fucked up I'm only happy when it hits the ground I'm only happy when it's complicated and wrong Only when you look outside you Can you see how you fit in Only when you quit holding on Can you ever really grasp anything I Can Move
29.
I sing about troubles cause one should sing of what they know I sing about these times when the real me starts to show I get disappointed in the way I respond Thinking that I left these feelings behind Now I praying for a change to come and get me out of All this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess Yeah I blew it and yeah it comes as no surprise That the real me is ready to bust out from inside Ready to leap out and take the control Nothing good can come from this troubled soul Now I praying for a change to come and get me out of All this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess No I shouldn’t be praying that I’ll be removed I really should be praying that I’ll be renewed And able to handle whatever life brings And not being controlled by external things I'm praying for a change to come and get me out of All this mess I find myself in everyday I’m praying for a change to come and get me out Get me out of all this, out of all this, out of all this mess
30.
Letting go of things that define Letting go of truths I claimed as mine But are only self delusions It seems you're asking me to let go of what I understand Enjoy the mystery while I’m holding your hand But I’m no good at letting go Of my biology Or bad theology That hurts everyone around
31.
How dark the golds become that once was pure. The sacred stones are all poured out on the corner of every street.
32.
A million reasons why I love you A million reasons why I don't A million reasons I should stay here And a million reasons why I won't A million little complications A million small regrets A million validations A million things I want to forget It's weighing on me now It seems like that forever is a concept that will never be realized I know you can shine without me I never should have tried to illuminate your heart It's better this way Cause we both know that the only time That this has not been contentious Was the first time that our eyes met Right before we said hello
33.
She can’t help herself she’s gonna do it Her hands are shaking She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find it’s peace Until she gives it everything she thinks it needs Sometimes it’s comical Sometimes it’s dangerous All the while she’ll stay obsessed Until she finds everything she thinks her heart is looking for She’s sitting on her hands cause she wants to interfere When she hears all of your stupid plans She’s knows just what, just what you need to do And she’s chomping at the bit trying hard not to tell you She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find relief Until she gives you everything she thinks you need Sometimes it’s obvious Sometimes it’s just enough Sometimes it’s way more than you bargained for But never more than what she thinks is needed She knows but she can help it show She’s got tendencies
34.
Caught in between this world and the next Loved ones calling from both directions Is it selfish or is it selfless To want to move beyond the temporal Or do words like these have a different meaning When you’re balanced between The here and there Does every riddle have an answer Does every no have a reason Is every childhood pain opened Ready to receive it’s healing When you’re stuck between The now and the not yet Does it all start to make sense Is it bravery Is it knowing I guess we’re all gonna find out
35.
I feel like one of the girls Je me sens comme l'une des filles
36.
She can’t help herself she’s gonna do it Her hands are shaking She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find it’s peace Until she gives it everything she thinks it needs Sometimes it’s comical Sometimes it’s dangerous All the while she’ll stay obsessed Until she finds everything she thinks her heart is looking for She’s sitting on her hands cause she wants to interfere When she hears all of your stupid plans She’s knows just what, just what you need to do And she’s chomping at the bit trying hard not to tell you She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find relief Until she gives you everything she thinks you need Sometimes it’s obvious Sometimes it’s just enough Sometimes it’s way more than you bargained for But never more than what she thinks is needed She knows but she can help it show She’s got tendencies
37.
She can’t help herself she’s gonna do it Her hands are shaking She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find it’s peace Until she gives it everything she thinks it needs Sometimes it’s comical Sometimes it’s dangerous All the while she’ll stay obsessed Until she finds everything she thinks her heart is looking for She’s sitting on her hands cause she wants to interfere When she hears all of your stupid plans She’s knows just what, just what you need to do And she’s chomping at the bit trying hard not to tell you She’s got, she’s got, she’s got tendencies And now her heart won’t find relief Until she gives you everything she thinks you need Sometimes it’s obvious Sometimes it’s just enough Sometimes it’s way more than you bargained for But never more than what she thinks is needed She knows but she can help it show She’s got tendencies

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All songs written and performed by Mike Indest using a Zoom 4 Track, a Baritone Ukulele, A Realistic MG-1 Synth, a Cajón and some tambourines.

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released July 17, 2019

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Mike Indest New Orleans, Louisiana

This is indie rock that says something without shouting or faux-whispering. - Radio Eclectic

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