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Fields

by Mike Indest

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1.
A bright sun Splintered hands A fear of God Flooded streets And the curtains fall heavy on my heart
2.
My first confession was a standoff I just sat there he asked me questions Did I lie to my parents? Did I fight with my sisters? I said no and why the fuck does he want to know Just why this interest from this organization he represents With the lives of the innocent? Yeah, they’ll get you when you're young One way or another they will try and steal You love, your joy, your peace Your self respect Yeah, they’ll get you when you're young Then I went and stood in the line With the rest of the other children And I felt a hand on my shoulder Got a card with 20 dollars Guess that's the price of innocence Yeah, they’ll get you when you're young One way or another they will try and take your will and bend It to their own design Yeah, they’ll get you when you're young What about the millstone?
3.
He won’t stop until he purges his house of evil He’s found a way to focus all his hatred There’s no stopping him and this craze he’s started Cause he thinks he’s justified He’s breaking records He won’t stop until he puts his house in order There's nothing that can escape his watchful eye He keeps count of the smallest infractions Cause we must be purified He’s breaking records He’s got the hammer out and he’s smashing away The things that make you feel alive and start to question It's gonna take a miracle to turn him away from this obsession
4.
Oh Benny 04:01
When I first saw you I was just a kid But I remember what they said you did At that other school to those kids on the back row You knocked them out with you control of the Holy Ghost So when the time came I went up for the altar call And I just stood there watching all my friends fall Then with your hand on my head I went down And I just stayed there looking around The second time I saw you I was still a kid But growing wiser to what I thought you did So when the time came I stood my ground While those around me all fell down Oh, Benny I heard you’ve changed your tune
5.
A long road To nowhere And the sun sets heavy on my heart The sun rises heavy is my heart A big sky An empty field And a sad song plays on AM radio Something about how love’s not a feeling I guess in some way, yeah that’s true But there’s something sinister about it too Site set a shot rings out And I’ve got blood on my hands And a dove falls heavy on my heart
6.
A new name And new clothes I guess we’re all just supposed to play along It doesn’t just feel different It feels wrong
7.
What about the lies wrapped up in pride and complacency? What about the cruelness disguised as morality? What about the atrocities caused by certainty? What about injustice done in secrecy? What about the hate justified as sympathy? What about true love dismissed as indecency? What about the pleasures described as idolatry? What about the dreams inside of me?
8.
I heard a story about a Christian lady Who started working at a new office job Where they listened to light rock in the radio And three months later she was sucking off her boss She didn’t notice the daily change That the light rock had on her But while she was sucking strange She wondered how she got there Just a little sin she said and now I’m giving head I wish I never heard the sounds of light rock on that office radio I heard a story about a missionary’s kid Who was listening to some Christian rock And when the natives heard the sensual beats They reverted to their old pagan ways They started dancing frantically which lead to sexual activity And now the missionary’s kid is responsible For where they’ll spend eternity Just a little worldliness can lead even the elect astray It reminds me of another story about a kid in public school Whose math book turned him gay
9.
Well it seems the exile is over At least geographically But you can’t undo, unsee or unfeel And you have no time or place to heal Cause they keep you on the edge To keep you confused And under their control
10.
Do the neglect Do the neglect Because your body is sinful and suspect Do the neglect Do the neglect Because your body and your mind Must be subject To your husband And your male pastor A woman was not created to be her own master Do the neglect Do the neglect When your husband wants it You must have sex Because your body belongs to him And if he hits You must still submit Do the neglect
11.
What if I don’t believe enough? What if I don’t think it’s quite true? On that day what will you think of me, If I’m not sure of what I think of you? Is it all up to me and what I think that I believe? Does my eternity depend on what I think is true? For God so loved the world That He killed his only son It doesn’t quite have the appeal That I think they think it does
12.
88 Reasons 02:14
This is the last year for this generation You see 40 years ago Israel became a nation And we’ll hear that trumpet soon But you see that puts me in a pickle Cause I haven’t had a chance to play slap and tickle Jesus said in heaven we’ll be like the angels Who don’t marry Well if that’s true Then the time is tickin’ for me to get in a lickin’ I’m starting to question your idea of soon But if your right then I’m almost out of luck Cause I haven’t had a chance to have my
13.
God’s Kink 01:19
I had a girlfriend Who said that God said She was supposed to marry someone else He was much older and not attractive But I guess that God works in mysterious ways Then there was Carol who said that God said We were also supposed to wed She was much older and had some nice tits I should have played along to get a feel I guess that God had a kink in the 80’s For those in their 30’s to marry teenagers
14.
A long flight A new world And I arrive on Reformation day
15.
There are roads that we must walk down alone And there are truths that our souls need to be shown But my heart beats faster when you are around There are stories our lives are destined to tell And there are lies that our lives are made to dispel But my heart beats faster when you are around When we go we learn we shed we grow and fly There are lessons that take a lifetime to learn And there are bridges we’ll build and some that must burn But my heart beats faster when you are around

about

This album is for and about the younger me. The me who didn't have the language to express my needs or confusion. The me who wasn’t given the opportunity to comprehend what was really going on in the abusive world of Christian fundamentalism. I can look back and laugh at some of the religious bullshit I grew up with, but I also look back with disappointment and anger knowing how much time was wasted living in a false reality. Living in this lie caused much confusion, anxiety, and plenty of missed opportunities. I have a journal filled with embarrassing, painful and absurd stories that if you can’t laugh at, you’ll cry. Writing songs has always been my way to cope, so I turned some of these stories into this album by taking one traumatic religious experience from each year starting with kindergarten continuing throughout high school. Believe it or not, these are only a sample.

Song Notes

The Curtains Fall - I choose lines that were literal and could also be relatable to the listener in a more abstract way. “Splintered Hands” was from when the neighbor got a free tube of Aquafresh in the mail. I went to get a chair to see if we had one in our mailbox as well. I slipped and slid with both my hands down the wooden fence and had dozens of splinters in my hands. It took several days to get them all out. “The Curtains Fall” experience still makes me shiver. When the curtains fell behind the crib that my younger sister was in, I was certain I was going to see a little demon standing on the window sill. Because of what I was taught as a kid, the reality of that demon causing the curtains to fall was just as real as the splinters.

My First Confession - Like any good Catholic kid I had to go to confession. I remember sitting there and the priest going through a list of possible sins I could have committed. I was a hyper-vigilant kid not wanting to do anything wrong so I didn’t have anything to account for, which was frustrating for the Priest. I mean, there were demons sitting on my window sill, I wasn’t about to do anything wrong!

He’s Breaking Records - As we moved from the Catholic Charismatic movement to the Assemblies of God things changed drastically for the worse, including a zealous “cleansing of the temple” to remove any hint of worldly influence from our house. I remember my sister running into the room I was in and said, “Come quick Dad is smashing all your records!” Things became even bleaker as “Christian Music” was the only thing allowed in the house and even then only approved “Christian Music”. This is a great example of language and expression being controlled by adherents to an oppressive religious structure. If the questions of others are not allowed to be voiced then in that reality they don’t exist. Even at a young age music had a profound impact on me and only being able to listen to approved “Christian Music” was like not being able to use certain colors to describe a painting.

Oh Benny - I had two encounters with Benny Hinn. The first was in third grade (my sister disputes the year) during chapel at a Christian school. Before Benny got up to speak, the Principal told a story about how at a school Benny was at previously some kids were acting up on the back row and Benny, through some gesture, knocked them out. I don’t remember much about the service but at the end we all were “encouraged” to go up and get prayed for. I stood there waiting for my turn as my friends all hit the ground, one by one, “slain in the spirit”. Two guys stood behind me and as Benny put his hand on my head, I went down. I just laid there looking around to see when my friends were going to get up. It seems like an eternity. So many wrongs here including the lack of protection by the adults that let this craziness happen. I don’t remember the year the second time I saw Benny but I stood there and wouldn’t join hands with the others around me so they all started praying for me and the guy I was with. Benny swung his coat around and all those that had their hands joined all went down together while my friend and I just stood there.

Fields Parts 1,2,3 - Fields Part 1 was the first song started for this project. I tried to keep these three songs from being boring while still conveying the soul crushing boredom I experienced living in exile and poverty. Living on a farm in the middle of nowhere, while my dad attended Bible College, was quite the change from living in New Orleans. I guess we all had to suffer for his calling.

Stories I’ve Heard - Did you hear some version of these stories in church too?

The Exile Is Over? - Moving back to New Orleans was like coming alive again after the financial, spiritual and cultural poverty of living in the middle of nowhere. While there was some new freedom and accountability there was still a stranglehold of toxic beliefs that poisoned everything.

Do The Neglect - “I know he hit you, but you can win him over to Christ if you stay in the marriage and stay submissive.” “Maybe there are some things you need to change about yourself that makes him that angry?” “Maybe his anger is the Holy Spirit working on him, stick with it!” “I know you are exhausted sometimes but your body belongs to your husband and it's your Christian duty to fulfill his needs.” Yes, these are real things that I have heard!

Sophomore Slump - With a doctrine centered around the toxic Trinity of Decision Theology, Eternal Conscious Torment and the Rapture they set the stakes way too high. You’re not to question it, even a little bit. Yet, you do question it and you should. You learn that if you don’t question, the stakes are even higher than what you are threatened with.

88 Reasons - There was a little book out that claimed that the Rapture would happen in 1988. That sucks for a teenager who has so many things yet to experience.

God’s Kink - I was getting ready to go to a Petra concert with Josh McDowell on their “Why Wait?” tour. I answered the kitchen phone and my girlfriend notified me that God told her, through a group of people, that she was supposed to marry this other guy. All the while an older woman was told by God that she was supposed to marry me. Where were our parents protecting us from this?

Reformation Day (Bonus Track) - After High School I went to the L’Abri Fellowship in Huémoz, Switzerland. That stay was a game changer for me. It was great to be around people who valued art and the creative process. I played a concert there with other students and thankfully recorded it to tape. The background audio was room noise before the show started. I arrived at L’Abri on Reformation day 1990.

My Heartbeats Faster When You Are Around (Bonus Track) - I wrote this as my son went to bootcamp and my daughter was talking about moving to another state. I wanted to include a song about breaking the cycle of control and toxic family traits and encourage my kids to search things out on their own.

credits

released October 3, 2022

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Mike Indest New Orleans, Louisiana

This is indie rock that says something without shouting or faux-whispering. - Radio Eclectic

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